Once a man is in remission and gets the okay to have sex from his doctor, several emotions come to him. Generally, men are more than enthusiastic when it comes to sex. But at this time especially after aggressive treatment worry, anxiety, frustration, shame, and inadequacy can all come to the forefront. Both partners can feel worried and concerned. Realize that sexual recovery after aggressive treatment can take years. But most men would agree that sex is integral part to their life. Here it is more than that. It is important both for the healing process and to help connect with one’s partner. Of course, sex in this phase can be just as satisfying as before. You and your partner may have to change your outlook, focus, and repertoire. Here are some tips on how to go about having sex for the first time after prostate cancer. First, pledge that you and your partner won’t have any expectations in the bedroom. Instead, see what is happening, how you can interact, and what is possible.
Next, think about your recovery as an ongoing phenomenon. Instead of applying any pressure to yourself, relax. Let nature take the wheel. Our society is very goal oriented. But instead of looking at sex as an avenue for penetration and orgasm, see it differently. Perhaps the goal is to amuse, titillate, stimulate, and satisfy one another. Realize that you can orgasm even without achieving an erection. If and when you do want to take part in coitus, try positions that favor the penis and blood flow. Upright positions may work better. Talk to your doctor if you are experiencing erectile dysfunction and what can be done about it. Perhaps certain pills, injections, a vacuum tube or other therapy may be appropriate. Change up your repertoire. Include more foreplay. This will likely turn your partner on. Digital and oral stimulation are great for both partners, as is the incorporation of sex toys. Keep a bedroom atmosphere open to curiosity, ripe with communication, and free of judgment, shame or blame. Don’t lament what has changed, instead start exploring what works for you and your partner and what doesn’t, and your sex life will be richly satisfying.