[Note from the Editor: While this article highlights penis size in correlation to vaginal orgasm, the same thought applies to gay couples who enjoy anal sex.]

The size of a man’s penis is at the core of who he is, or at least that is how some feel. When a man’s weapon does not meet the unrealistic standards society holds him to, his self-esteem usually suffers. But why do we say unrealistic standards? In simple truth, the media exaggerates a man’s sexuality, portraying the need for a man to wield this grand weapon large and thick. It is not uncommon to hear sarcastic puns about the size of a man’s penis. Some such as, “The bigger, the better.”

Says a blog about men’s health: “Let me tell you something, life is really good if you have a big dick. In the changing room, when others feel insecure about their dicks, you look up with confidence. Because to be honest, you have been blessed by nature.” On the other hand, there are adages that are meant to comfort but quite often fail to do so. A loving partner may say, “It’s not the size that matters, but how you use it.” But is all the hype worth it? Are these sayings true?

Is The Hype Worth It?

One study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine expresses concern over this sentiment. The study explains that the size of a man’s penis may matter, but only for a specific woman. Surely that leaves a lot to be desired! Nevertheless, the report found that this particular type of woman usually will only climax in a certain way. That is, solely through vaingal stimulation. What does this mean?

We have to remember that very few women orgasm solely via vaginal stimulation. Most women desire foreplay—kissing, cuddling, caressing, oral sex—and usually emotional stimulus. A composite of these factors coupled with vaginal stimulation by penetration would normally bring a woman to orgasm.  But those who do orgasm solely based on vaginal stimulation require a larger penis. Why? Because a large penis, usually measuring 7″+ in length and 5″+ in girth, would have to fill out the vagina and reach every crevice and nerve ending there is. Even then however, only a minority of women will orgasm this way.

What Does Your Partner Prefer?

Additionally, preference is a key factor here. These women prefer penetrative intercourse to other stimuli. Psychologist Stuart Brody says that women judge men on a number of things. Intelligence, sense of humor, kindness, income—all of these are weighted, and are usually given higher priority over penis size. Afterall, you can use other means to bring your partner to orgasm, but if you don’t have a sense of humor, then you are just dry.

That said, other researchers questioned the validity of the study. Barry Komisaruk, an analyzer of the female climax at Rutgers University, notes that ‘there’s such variability in preference among women, as if each one prefers to orgasm in a different way.’ And why not? Men who are mature and can handle their sexuality love different forms and facets of sex themselves. Consider anal, oral, toys, roleplay, cuddling, and emotional stimulus. So why should a man be worried that his partner would have different prefences as well? Admittedly, while these issues are difficult to discuss in our culture, we can agree that both the female orgasm and male penis size are topics loaded with anxiety.

The Elusive G- or P-Spot

Some men talk about the “G-spot,” a so-called a sensitive, internal area of the vaginal canal which may cause orgasm. This spot is supposedly a gathering of nerve endings associated with the clitoris. Keep in mind however, although it may feel good to most, not every woman prefers to have a vaginal orgasm. Still, Brody points out that some studies show greater relationship-satisfaction where the primary female orgasm is vaginal. Other researchers say the female orgasm originates inside the brain being a mental and emotional stimulus that drives a woman, not the vagina. Regardless, the debate will always continue. Afterall, we are all unique and have different tastes.

Yet, here is the key: No matter what kind of woman or man you are with, do your best to use what you have wisely. Learn what stimulates your partner and explore each other’s bodies regularly. Try new things and never be afraid to speak about your experiences and preferences. Lastly, know your treatment options and do research. If you and partner opt to seek medical assistance, speak to your doctor before attempting any online remedies, as these are always ineffective and unsafe. Ultimately, a happy relationship does not solely rest on having good sex. However, anyone can have good sex—if they know how.

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