These days, society presents an unflattering image of the average man—one who is sex-centric, whether he sits lazily at home or is a productive member of his community. The sad reality of the world we live in is that a relatively small percentage of men are this way. But, not all men are consumed by the thought of their next orgasm. Instead, many men wonder about their careers, their happiness, their future, their partners, and families.
In the previous article, we began a discussion focused on eliminating possible fears men may have with regards to sex and pleasure. In specific, we tackled the fear of underwhelming performance, premature ejaculation and, infertility. So, in this article, we will discuss boredom, masturbation, and sexual exploration.
Porn stimulates the senses to the point of orgasm. That is a unique thing to accomplish given that the only touch we experience when watching porn is our own. Often you see something in porn, and you want to recreate it. But some of the most significant hindrances include your partner’s response, unfair comparisons, and experience, or lack thereof.
The Truth: The orgasm you experience when watching porn is fake. Yes, the ejaculation and the high you feel are real, but they are stimulated by the brain’s belief that you are having a good time. In reality, you are only watching a screen and playing with yourself. So, first, cut out or reduce the frequency by which you watch porn. Yes, porn can give you new ideas, but it can also kill your imagination and deaden your senses.
Further, in an attempt to try some wilder acts, you may decide to bring what you saw on your computer to your bedroom. But do not get carried away. There are hundreds of games you can play, toys you can try, tools you can incorporate into your sex life, that have nothing to do with porn. And if your partner seems weary of trying something new, then respect that, and start somewhere else. Maybe their reservations are due to a lack of intimacy, trust or a bad experience. Communication and a little bit of patience can go a long way to enjoying better sex. Remember that it is the intimacy with your partner that matters the most, everything else will follow suit.
Masturbation, either in youth or adulthood, some say claims a man’s ability to perform well in the bedroom. How so? The claim is that masturbation creates a self-centered view of sex. One that leads to self-pleasure and does not consider the needs of others. Others posit that masturbation can cause irreprehensible damage to the psyche, making it sometimes impossible to enjoy physical intimacy.
The Truth: The guilt of masturbation is much more harmful than the practice itself. Furthermore, as with any other hobby, masturbation has its place in your life. Yes, some of the side effects mentioned can occur. Consider, if all a young man does is focus on gratifying himself as quickly as possible, then naturally he will develop a selfish attitude. Similarly, if he only focuses on porn, and the pleasure of orgasm instead of the realities behind it, then he will likely suffer from loneliness.
Even so, masturbation can be used for good. In the prime of your life, you have just begun to explore yourself. And it is here where masturbation comes in handy. You can learn what your turn-ons are, how you like to be teased, what parts of your body are most sensitive, and how you can last the longest in the bedroom. In fact, weak performance in the bedroom can be improved with regular masturbation! To that end, mutual masturbation is amazing—involving your partner in this part of your life can strengthen your relationship.
Fear: Exploration and Discovery
Self-knowledge can be frightening in and of itself. But more intimidating is the process. Why? Simply put, there is no one road to self-discovery. So, that leaves everything up to interpretation. That is what some find terrifying, but others enlightening. Even others posit that there is no need to question the status-quo. If you are told to be straight, then you are, if you are told otherwise, then so be it. But is this true?
The Truth: Self-knowledge is more than sexual orientation, preferences, or turn-ons. Self-knowledge is the very foundation of who you are. Learning what kind of person you are—humble, shy, meek, or aggressive, bold, boisterous—can help you succeed in life. You learn to accept yourself—flaws and all. Because you know that you have talent and beauties that far outweigh your weaknesses. But even then, knowing your weaknesses can be advantageous.
On the other hand, self-discovery in the way of sexuality is like reading a new book. Trying new things can bring you closer to finding someone to spend the rest of your life with, or at least it can bring you new-found pleasure. Imagine never having had a blowjob; rejecting even the notion of it. Such close-minded thinking can rob you of one of the greatest joys you have ever experienced! So, do not allow anyone to stop you from learning more about yourself. The fear of not knowing should be a motivating factor to conquering the fear of learning who you are. After all, it is your life.
Dispell Your Fears, Have Fun
Remember, the more emotionally connected you are with your partner—the more intimate you are—the more pleasurable sex will be. Only indulge in sex when both you and your partner are ready. Because comfort is key to pleasure, and the more comfortable you are, the more fun you are likely to have. So, while you may be nervous, try to relax and take in every sensation. Try some new things like foreplay, erotica, or toys to spice up your already fantastic sex life. Lastly, take your time, and everything will fall into place. Keep calm and have fun.